Hilarious Ways to Shut Down a Date Immediately

We’ve all been there. You swipe right on Tinder, decide on a place to meet, and realize about five minutes in that leaving your house in the first place was a huge error. Maybe you feel like you’ve been catfished because they look nothing like their photos (surprise!), or perhaps you quickly realize they weren’t being sarcastic in their profile when they said their favorite band was The Beatles.

Whatever the case may be, there’s no flying spark to indicate this is the person of your dreams. And maybe you’re the mature kind of individual who can finish their drink, bring up the fact that you don’t see a future together, split the bill, and head your own separate ways. Bravo!

But what if you’re not? u/PM_Me_YourTinyBoobs kindly addressed this very question on Reddit when he asked what a person could say to instantly derail a date. The answers ranged from painfully incestuous to downright hilarious.

Next time you just need to shut it down really quickly and abruptly, these are some perfect lines you can use.

01
“Are you sure this place isn’t within 500 feet of a school or playground?”

02
“You’re like a brother to me. A hot, sexy brother.”

03
“I really miss my ex, but she got a restraining order so…”

04
Start talking about how dangerous it is for women to go on dates. Really lay down on examples and details.

05
“Don’t worry, I’m not one of those guys that takes advantage of drunk girls.”

06
“You smell like my mom. I find that very sensual.”

07
“I couldn’t find a babysitter, so it’s okay I brought my kid with me, right?”

08
“You’re prettier when you’re awake.”

09
“I think you’re the first girl I’ve really liked not because of their looks.”

10
“It’s 200 for the first hour, 150 for every hour thereafter.”

11
“I’m into holistic medicine and would never vaccinate my child.”

12
“My side gig is filing a lot of lawsuits. If this date goes wrong, I’ll see you in court.”

13
Suggest watching ‘Silence of the Lambs,’ and then find a good time to chuckle and say, “That’s obviously not how to make a dress out of human skins.”

14
“The Holocaust wasn’t as bad as what you hear.”

 

15
“What’s your favorite murder weapon? Mine’s the icicle. Stab someone in the heart, they die, then boom. The murder weapon and all evidence just melts. Do you want that last piece of bread or…?”

16
“I forgot my wallet.”

 

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